THORNROSE Battle of the Bands - 13th and Final Round - Cool Runnings

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Time in starting all the intro’s and drinking games was a tad later than scheduled… but hey.. that’s par for the course; which gave me the opportunity to just watch and observe people and their habits, which was interesting to say the least…
…and my god, I saw a slow motion moment, a beautiful slow motion moment…. You know those ones in the movies when a school boys wet dream fantasy girl come walking down the school corridor with her hair flowing in the wind cress clinging sweetly her smile captivating and tasty???
Well there was this amazing chickie-boo in a short organza styled dress that did exactly that today… Dudes… you should have seen her… she literally took the breath away from all the boy congealing by the entrance… Her hair glistened in the sunlight and arms strong and trim flowing freely next to her sides.. almost inviting
Then… oh my god.. the wind gently breeze past me in her direction and “SHAZAM” … it happened… the dress clung toe her gorgeous frame…. ALL over… cupping her ample bosom and ….. and ….. and ….. yes you guessed it…. it out lined the destination of every mans eyes… and the beautiful “beetle bonnet” was a sight for sore eyes, But unfortunately she had a boy waitin’ for her, albeit a none too handsome one but be that as it may when the finals finally kicked in…………………….well read further…. And I promise I will try… “try” not mention more women in this review and to stick to the one this… music… (boring.. .as the people make the music too)
“Big Gord”, (Gordon Laws… the Mc from FHM) skilfully attained the attention with free alcohol in the form of a drinking game, where two chaps and a chick took each other head on for a ticket to Thornfest band camp in January 2010 and a tattoo voucher from………. to of the minimal crowds that has barely started to arrive… typical metal heads… as one needs to plan for an hour or so extra time for it is not common for the audience to arrive on time!!!! Ever… (Generalising I know….but that’s my though at the moment, so fuck off if you have an issue with it!) …. Any way…. Now they I have my aggression out of the way, I can ready myself to melt and report on the best of four bands…and try to keep the chicks out of it!!(yeah right!!hehe)

Once again I was requested to judge…. Sooooo!!!! You know the drill….

Meimera Deiyi the hard hitting HARD core, metal band fronted by, for me the best growler to date as his vocals are still audible…. Thank fuck for that as it looses all intensity in my eyes if I have no idea as to that they are saying…
Now before you all have a fanny wobble, these are my views and in no way depicts my personal feeling towards any of the bands… just the flavour that I like to have in my mouth, musically minded
The heavy boys pelted out a great set which entertained their crowd (and I use “their crowd” loosely as the rent-a-crowd scenes is live and well and what has dominated the battle…. Which is fine for now)….
Inevitably the bands whether good or not do depends on the crowd appeal as eventually it is because of the crowd and their constant support that give the bands a clear goal which spurs them to be better, get more gigs, make more money… blah, blah!!!
Their riffs were better polished ad presented from the first time I heard them… wonder how many bands are going to introduce new sounds
I enjoyed watching these boys as their interaction with the audience; their timing and musicality were good.
But… yes that friggin’ …but…. Sadly by the end of their set, the floor numbers dwindled to less than half of the original starting hoard. Disappointing, but I will put it down to the excessive heat that had built up in the venue….
seriously Gents…. Get a giant fan or something equally as aggressive in name and duty… god it was cooking… so maybe your dignity may be spared and blame the loss in floor revenue to the heat.

Again the MC Big Gordon took the show on the introduction of Of One Design … he certainly handles the crowd with his intelligent humour, fast wit and a mouth that rivals mine in profanity and sexual innuendo…. I dig this oke!!

The second band, and by sheer statistics in voteability, it looks like in my eyes, that the band Of One Design was the favourite to win….
The scream…. Never my favourite as it lost on me… seriously with all respect and honour… its , however the finger work of the guit’s make me think of why their girlfriends have those smile… fore a good reason it seems… hmmm let the finger do the talking and in this case the finger work of the chord changes.
They rock on the guit’s, but the cougar mountain lion of a growler vox ….. just… eish!!! I suggest a tad toned down on some numbers maybe even sing … even a flat toned tune will break the repeat ear blast… I personally like variety of tempos and feel.
The mosh pit that opened up on the floor was impressive to say the least, stands to testament the
“pushing power” of these dealers in music mayhem … I still liked them.. Some of the breaks were fantastic… dudes it was nice !!!
Of One Design’s music did bring out two girls to stand close to me to enjoy and respond to… the two know who they are… Sexy as hell (I know I said that I would not mention women, but … fuck man ... that ain’t me… I love the beautiful, gorgeous creatures who rock my world…. If you don’t like it …I care not ..), showing off their beautiful bodies and dressed like twins of titillation … .and Ouch, they were all that and more… nice thing is that they knew it too….
What was evident was the perfect peripheral vision of women that still never ceases to amaze me; as one of them well actually, who confessed they had boyfriends, constantly, checked me out…. Hmmm! You think I got a chance?? Ha ha!! Na!!! it’s all good, though the cute freckled one with a stunning sculptured jaw line could really rock my haystack.
The eternal horny optimist in me… Any way!!!
The boys of Of One Design kept on gaining my attention with their audience moshability and their fantastic breakdowns …. So far… you win for me.

Gordie the MC took to the stage again with gusto and honesty… fuck he is articulate and accurate… entertaining is certainly a good word to describe him and his temperament… honest as hell about his drug abuse… **MY god I think I’m in love…someone just like me. Uggg!! Yuk… you are way too pretty for me… sorry man... Hehehe!**
The next chuggathon… well not really… just a glass of beer each on three willing victims.. One cute blond, a handsome glasses guy and the “big bearded guy” as coined by Gordie… fuck my horse and “foal out” some freek of nature the big guy didn’t even swallow….. he chugged it in one smack….

Though the floor was basically empty, Gun Down Goliath still managed to pull of the set with ease… with the familiar handsome vox screaming his lungs out….**I some times wonder if he were able to turn his guts inside out with the way he pelts out the screeches… Fuck my poor ears**… yet so well done as always…. I was highly impressed with the drummer as his symbolic stick work rang so true in my ears and then having the straightest back I have ever seen *G-whizz*, but fuck a duck he knew his way around the kit…. Looking so uncomfortably comfortable in his style….
But wait there is more…. {Advert taken directly out the empty special imbalance that I call Phil’s brain}“not only will you receive a true story for free,… I will throw in some juicy tit bits to sweeten the deal”… haha; but seriously, for me the highlight of their set was when the vox disrobed… very nice screamers 6 pack dude… and pretty cool tats…hmmm!
Less said the better hey!! ;o)
Sad that their set felt so short in comparison to the previous bands in length but was redeemed by remaining still interesting and enjoyable to listen to ….and of course, watch.

2nd Guess'D blew me away yet again… fuck sakes boys… you win in my eyes (sorry … I don’t really have to say anything more as they are sweet and rocking..)
They twisted the set round to punk and in old school aggression…. And have to mention the clichéd ti9tle “Anarchy” … very damn punk.
The crowd loved them and so did the sweeeeeet tight ends…. Damn, damn, damn…. I swore I wasn’t going to be a perve… but …fuck…. I can’t, can’t help it…JFC these are good times for my aching eyes…YEAH!!!!

I finally got off my sexy rump and went into the audience and was mesmerised in the rhythmic bend of the knees and shake of the head…. All while feeling the music run up my spine… AHHHhhhh!! Almost orgasmic…. Nice feeling….
Their drummer knew how to play his sticks and fuck up his snare…. I was almost turned on by his performance, and for a law student he can seriously belt out a decent tune; not to mention his captivating showmanship…
Sorry to the boys of Of One Design but my personal vote is for the appealing band 2nd Guess'D
Though plagued by silly technical difficulties, none of their own, thankfully as that would have been a huge negative in my black book, they over came it with fantastic improv’ while the problems were being sorted out by the sound engineer … you guys have come out on tops in memory and style; I remember most of your tunes and I nod my noggin to your beat, PUNK or not…..
“Move over Metal” as they said… and if they carry on the way they are, I believe they will give the steel industry a run fir its money.. You go for it “Mr Labour force”
As I said before in one of my previous articles, the pussy parade that they have accumulated is well deserved and hopefully their votes do count towards a victory.
The constant chameleon change is style made for fabulous listener ability and a shit load of entertainment value.

All the bands today that participated in the battle did a fantastic and professional job… I wish all of you the best of luck in the future….

The winner tonight Of One Design, who walked away with ESP limited guitar and amp…sponsored by Marshall Music….

Oh… to top it off… the other winner in my eyes, was Gordon Laws… a man in his own… with a Fucking stunning woman…. Dude … you are king!!!

I was tempted to end this article at the highlight of the reason for the article in the first place, but this battle has included lead show like Swivel Foot and New Found Disorder who were two bands contracted in to be the interim entertainment…

But this all happened only after the Gordie “mini-fest” where he was asked by one of the previous drinking competition winners to give him a chance to win his girlfriend a ticket… he happily obliged but to get this to happen he had to bet his already won ticket…. He reluctantly obliged… but having the confidence in himself, accepted the challenge… yet his challengers were just as big if not a tad larger… Big mother fuckers **jeez**… one slap from them you will forget the last three weeks ever happened… seriously large dudes…..
Guess what happened… the dude lost by a millisecond to a challenger…. Harsh!!
And the winner, a true gentleman, gave him back his lost ticket and his winning ticket…. You Rock man… you really rock… I bow down to you!!!

Swivel Foot a clearly heart felt, in my eyes and retro punk band was the first band up after the competition… fuck I am beginning to appreciate punk rock… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the stuff scares the crap outta me!!

I wanted the full line up from the boys before hand so that I could report accurately, but the fuckers took their sweet ass time… so … no specific crit.. just a general feel across the board.. and generally the constant tedious drumming in the punk genre is irritating, but they have grown on me… as they are not stuck on the same bounce, but have a relatively interesting mix…. 3 vocalist that don’t typically shout like most “punkarians” do.. thank you for that boys. Vox and lead guit was Dave, followed closely by Jarryd on rhythm guit and backing vocals. The bass and drumming section were taken up by Eric (who was also a backing vocalist) and Don respectively
The interim DJ between bands, JP of Nomad entertainment, whose speciality is old metal and the older style of rock… still jammed a hard hitting solid mix of music and genre… loved his style…

New Found Disorder, another hard and happening band consisting of Clint on Vox, Devyn (one of the owners of the Alternative Club in the east………… Way, way, waaaaayyyyy East in BOKieSBURG… The Black Dahlia) on guit, Mike on Bass, and on drums is Adam finishing off this fucking Hard as nails “don’t give a fuck” attitude in the delivery kind of band.
They work well together and am sincere about that folks… their stage appeal was that of a more old school feel… which is limited to fast plectrum strokes and nodding on the spot… I presume everyone knows that I am gonna say “Presentation is 9 tenths of the sale or gift”. So for me… the stage needed to be lit up in commotion… about as much as what was on the floor….The mosh pit was slamming with broads and blokes alike… slamming the shit out of their neighbours… all in good spirit….fanfuckintastic.
I found the constant symbiotic relationship with the guit’s, drum and vox to be very pleasing and though they were way beyond me in the hardness that I normally go for.. I have to say that they kept my attention, especial with the power from the voice box of such a small framed chappie…. Nicely done.

I will watch them again that is for sure…
All in all the evening was a great success and a fabulous interlude to the 4 day Thornfest band camp in January 2010… I can’t wait….

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